“Expectations” for the family business

“The easiest way to increase your happiness. It is about lowering expectations.”

“You must be grateful!”

“Parents must be fair!”

“Everyone must make sacrifices!”

Family members have "Expectations" from each other Which is not surprising. The next question is something we don't often hear. But I like to think in my mind, “How much does it take to be considered grateful?” “How much is it to be called fair?” “And how much is it to be called sacrifice?”

society of expectations

We live in a society of expectations. But they rarely communicate directly. These things are classified as "sensitivity" and if anyone accidentally says them they may get kicked! That is the culture that exists in many families. Anyone who says this may seem like a bad person. Being an ungrateful child Being an unfair parent or being a selfish member

“Expectations” are therefore something that is often in the mind. and is rarely communicated Everyone has their own definition of “filial,” “fair,” and “selfless,” and that creates problems. Because the definition of these words is different for each person. For example, if you give money to your parents to use. But not a lot Will I be considered grateful? And if the child separates and lives on his own I don't get to see my parents often. But calling every day is that considered gratitude? And if parents divide shares equally among their children? But some children run family businesses. Some people go to work outside. Will the parents be considered fair or not? etc.

these questions Who will answer?

“Mother's friend's child”...comparing because of expectation

“My mother's friends always make me look bad,” said one heir…

Telling stories about your friends' children and praising them is normal behavior of parents who love and care about their children. But it is also a behavior that must be done with caution because it may create feelings of comparison between "friends' children" and "our children" which can sometimes create a strong will. But sometimes it can cause our child to become completely atrophied. (Because there is no way to do it like “My friend's son”)

Parents' expectations for their children include grades. Good university entrance exam or being a skilled executive in the family business will come into effect The heirs' "expectations for themselves" were difficult to avoid. No matter what your parents say directly. or through telling stories "My friend's son" when that happens Parents, therefore, need to manage their own expectations for their children well.

It's not wrong to think differently. ...It's wrong because they expect us to think like us.

The heir was raised and grew up in a different environment They have an outlook on life. And this world is different from previous generations. They may question whether what you think, do, or have them do is right. Is that appropriate? Is it good? Should it be done that way? Or they may not live within the framework you set for them. That is not wrong. Because it is his life It just might make you frustrated.

The problem of the gap in ideas and different ways of working between the new generation and the previous generation is a problem. Happens in every organization And one of the organizations that experiences this Generation Gap problem the most is “Family business”: the war between father and son in the workplace Or as some people call it "The war between the poor and the rich" It's not something new.

But what's interesting is how will it end? There are many "old men" who have retreated to work outside the home. or go create your own business But there are many heirs who choose to stay and fight, adjusting, aiming to prove themselves in order to "win the hearts" of their parents. They have patience, reason, and principles as their weapons. Even though they may not be sure how happy they are with what they are doing. Or does the family business meet their life needs?

And here are some suggestions that may help fathers, mothers, and heirs manage expectations better to reduce conflicts between families.

1. You can be happy when you lower your expectations.

“How much do you have to do to be called enough?”

I heard these words from the mouth of a business heir who was good at studying, good at working, and loved his parents very much. Her love is translated into responsibility for her parents' "hope." She cannot bear to see her parents have to work hard continuously. Some of her younger siblings have not yet graduated from school. And some of them choose to work outside rather than come home to help. And who would come in and help lighten the burden on parents if not you? Even though she herself has been working in the family business for a while, But there is still confusion in my mind about how much (parents) must be done to call it enough? How much profit does a business need? How big is enough? Her family, by ordinary people's standards, could be considered very wealthy. But then why did her parents (and herself) still have to work so hard?

She is unhappy with the way things are. But he never said it directly.

equation of happiness

"happiness" It is a broad term that is difficult to measure, so I would like to borrow Mr. Tim Urban's definition of happiness. It is in the form of a simple equation as follows:

The explanation of the happiness equation above is that when the "reality" of a person's life is better than the "expectations" he has, that person will be "happy" (Happy). But if the "reality" is worse than what he "expected", that person will not be happy. For example, a person who gets second in an exam may be less happy than a person who gets 14th in an exam. If he hopes that he will get first place Happiness is therefore a comparison between reality and what is expected. So the easiest way to increase your happiness is to lower your expectations. (Because the truth More difficult to change or sometimes cannot be changed at all)

Heir…lower your expectations for yourself.

Successful "parents" have raised the standard of success to a level where anything lower is "unsuccessful." This is the first level of expectation. The next expectation is to receive approval from parents. including those around you And the highest expectation of many people is to do what they love, or what is called having "passion" when "expectations" are so high.

But the reality is that it is very difficult to achieve. Whether their career success is at the same level as their parents or higher Be accepted by the people around you Including doing what you love. People who can reach that point are only a minority in society. Tim Urban, a blogger from the website Wait But Why, has 3 interesting suggestions, let's consider them.

1. Put in the same determination. The world is full of opportunities. You may just find the “right job” even though the path may not be clear. But try doing it first.
2. Stop thinking you are special. You are an ordinary person. You still have little experience. But you will be special one day if you work hard (smart) and long enough (don't compare yourself to anyone).
3. Don't have to pay attention to other people. (How good will he be?!) This world is full of illusions. Other people's work may not be as good as what they show us. Just do your best work.

Parents…lower their expectations for their children.

Because business is not a mathematical equation. The father's generation put in 10% effort and got 100% result. When the children's generation reaches 10% effort, it may only get 20% result. Times have changed. The rhythms of our lives are different, even Bill Gates of Microsoft. Young has also said in interviews that he is "lucky" to be born in the right place at the right time. Microsoft founder tells of access to computers at a young age During that time even most universities in the US There are still no computers for students to use. But he and his friends had the opportunity to "play" with computers at school throughout the years they were studying.

According to statistics, the chance of high school students around the world having access to a computer in 1968 was only 1 in a million, and Bill Gates and his friends were those "lucky" people. Old There would be no Microsoft today,” Bill Gates said at the school's graduation ceremony in 2005.

Looking back at the success that the new generation of this era is interested in "Startup", what is the main source of success for a startup? technology? Entrepreneurship? or what? Bill Gross, entrepreneur and investor behind over 100 startups under Idealab, also has this question. So he collected data from both the startups he co-founded. and more than 200 startups that he did not co-found.

The study found that the key factor behind a startup's success is "timing", accounting for 42% of success, followed by "team" at 32%, "idea" at 28%, "model Business” 24% and “Capital” 14%. Businesses that happen too quickly or too late may not be successful even if they look ready for everything.

Every parent wants their child to succeed. But what can you do to prevent those expectations from harming your children? The art of expecting, especially from a parent's point of view, is maintaining a balance between “Expectations” that do not put too much pressure on your child And don't neglect them until they lose motivation.

2. Happiness can be gained when communicating. “Expectations”

When everyone has the right to expect anything from anyone. But everyone must suffer the consequences if what they hope for is not as desired. When you dare to hope You must have the courage to accept disappointment as well. They go together. Therefore, setting your expectations at a reasonable level. Therefore it is important. The question is, what is the right point? Where is that?

The best way to search “The right point of expectation” comes from talking to each other.

It starts when everyone knows their expectations. Try to find opportunities to talk about other people's expectations, including each other's expectations. and the expectations that each person has for themselves (this is something most people hardly ever talk about). Opening up discussions about these matters If it is a meeting to write a family constitution, it will be in the topic “Roles and Duties of Family Members.” This will be a brainstorming session for members about the “roles” and “duties” that each person has in the family. and to the family business

This is a good opportunity to talk about “Expectations” or if any house has never talked about this matter You may find time to sit and talk. This will be the starting point for communicating expectations between each other honestly. No need to sit and guess.

“Communicating” expectations away Do not allow each side to think of each other to the point of suffering for both sides. will help us receive information The other party's view of expectations To be able to adjust our expectations accordingly. It's as close to what it should be as possible. The more we talk, the more we understand, the more we understand, the more appropriate our expectations become.

But for some matters, neither side is willing to "back down" because it is considered an important matter that each side expects. What do we do? At this point, the parties, including families, must begin to use conflict management tools such as negotiation. or mediation negotiations with a mediator, etc.

“Expectations” are a sensitive matter. Everyone must be especially careful in communicating expectations through comparisons. labeling people One is that it is not filial, selfless, or unfair. It's not something that should be done at all. What you should do is openly talk about the expectations of each other. To adjust each person's expectations to the right point to reduce conflict. and increase happiness for everyone

References

• Bill Gross, “The Single Biggest Reason Why Start-ups Succeed,” TED, March 2015
• Morgan Housel, “The Psychology of Money: Timeless Lessons on Wealth, Greed, and Happiness,” Harriman House Ltd. 2020.
• Tim Urban, “Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy,” https://waitbutwhy.com, September 2013